Voice of a Survivor: A Psychiatrist's View of His 31 Years as a Dialysis Patient

Visiting Professor, Kidney Center,
Tokyo Women's Medical University, Japan

In 1964, when I was a medical student, I suffered from tonsillitis, which resulted in acute glomerulonephritis. It eventually deteriorated to the level of End Stage Renal Disease in 1972, and since then I have been on dialysis. I will review the 31 years of my life as a dialysis patient, who has gone through various crises, triggered by physical distress (related to the long hours of treatment and a whole range of physical and psychiatric symptoms) as well as psychological distress over the life-threatening conditions, fear of dying, uncertainty, etc. Cerebral dialysis disequilibrium syndrome and organic mental disorder caused by insufficient dialyzer were especially distressing as it made me feel the loss of control over my mind as well as body. Another psychological distress unique to the dialysis patient is a "dialysis loathing" state of mind, which usually stays dormant but flares up upon the attack of physical distress. However, despite all the adversity, I am fortunate to have pursued my career as a psychiatrist for 35 years and counting, and am also blessed with a wonderful wife and three God-sent children. My long-term survivorship certainly was not possible without the support of my family, friends, and colleagues.